Monday, 19 August 2013


I have a secret. A weakness. 

Placed in the presence of such, any former resolve would fade into unmitigated oblivion as i take a bite into the saccharine pastry, impeccable rendition of divine goodness. A taste of heaven. 

Who could resist? I didn't quite have a choice.

Or did i?

I distinctly recall a particular morning years ago when i was a young child. My mom had toast, omelette, bacon, and an extensive spread of  ambrosial delights laid at the breakfast table. But five year old me only saw the absence of my favorite cereal and strawberry yogurt as i surveyed the counter. Eyes widened in a mixture of bewilderment and confusion i had inquired of my mom with a questioning look "Mommy, why isn't there anything to eat?"

A decade has transpired, and i realize perhaps a little startlingly, that i remain very much the same little girl. I see what i wish to see, and that is sometimes that is all i allow myself to discern. Such is the case as i encounter the various quandaries life deals, artlessly making decisions and conveniently shirking myself of any responsibility or obligation whatsoever with a single dismissal.  "I didn't have a choice."

Yet searching deep within my conscience i know i did. The liberty to choose remained mine. Ever so often, consciously making the less preferred decision in favor of personal alleviation and amenity, i imagine i felt a little guilty. Thus i adopted ignorance, living in self denial, a dwelling of delusion. Pretending i was forced to choose something when i wanted it. Perhaps it was austere knowledge that i fancied the 'bad' choice that left me a little perturbed. The actuality and egregious degree of my own self-indulgence.

Was I a bad person? 

And yet if what if the 'right' choice was one delivered at my own expense? The desideratum to foster and shield(if need be) oneself at all expenses was almost congenital, an inborn instinct. Did i still have a choice, then?


There is, naturally, a contiguous correlation between the choice you make and it's eventual outcome. As contradictory as it might sound, however, both remain largely independent issues in the course of decision making. The latter should not be a salient factor(if a factor at all) whilst deliberating the former.

It is important to note that nothing in your life transpires without your consent. There is an indubitable freedom of choice in each situation manifested. There is always a choice, we just tend to proscribe the ones that we don't quite like, ofttimes for selfish, narcissistic reasons. Regardless, the freedom of choice remains a given. 

I did have a choice... 

...and i still do. I can only pray i have the bravura and tenacity to face the ramifications that will ensue.

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